Exceeding boundaries

By Rachella - July 13, 2017

If you love yourself, you have to be courageous enough to set boundaries. Even though there is a risk that you might disappoint others in doing so, it is essential to realize that you have to define your boundaries in order to protect yourself. Healthy boundaries are by no means castle walls that serve to create a distance between the king and the peasants by eliminating the transparency of what happens inside the walls. They merely are the fences around the front yard that allow you to enjoy the beauty of your own garden. The neighbours are more than welcome to join you in the yard provided that you allow them to. Otherwise they have to look at your rose bushes and hydrangeas from a distance. The fences do not take away transparency or remove you from the outside world, they simply serve as a boundary.

Sometimes you have to teach people how to treat you. The most obvious example is the toxic person that is rude to you for no reason. In that case, you have to stand up for yourself - whether that is by telling this person you are not pleased by his or her behaviour or whether that means leaving this person at all since you do not want to spend any energy on these type of human beings. Personally, I am a proponent of the latter approach since I believe their behaviour is caused by their inner state of mind and insecurities rather than something you have influence on, but that is just a side note. Anyway, you define your boundaries in both ways of reacting to this toxic person.

Then, there is another example - and here is where it gets a little tricky. For this one you need courage; you need to truly love yourself and you need to realize that you cannot fully support others if you do not support yourself as well. I am referring to setting boundaries to the people you care about. Sometimes you have to say no to the people you love in order to protect yourself. That is, you are the one with the ultimate responsibility to protect your inner self. To protect your body and your soul. And for this, you need boundaries. People that are worth your love will understand this and will even support you in setting your boundaries even though it is inconvenient for them. The people who do not understand it.. They were not worth your love in the first place. Remember that. :)

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